Shame.

I've found someone else.

And he puts you to shame.

Damnit.

Liberals.

What can you do?

Can live with 'em, can't kill 'em all off because that would be politically incorrect.

That damn healthcare bill is 1990 pages and our Constitution is a mere 17. Our constitution runs this country in its entirety. Why does Obama think he can change the fundamentals of this society? So much money will be wasted..

This is my country too.

It's a bittersweet symphony, this life.

It's such torture, still being in this postion;
Undoubtedly an endless repitition.

. . . .
Back and forth,

and back and forth,

and back and forth,

and back and forth again..

You're graduating this year..
What shall I expect from that point onward,
Restlessness or contentment?

You know the one thing I want from you,
It's not that much to ask.

What to do? What to think?

I'm not really sure what to say at this point..
"I knew it." is all I can think.
What do I do?
Where do I go from here?
..he has feelings for me.

He's happy.
That's all I want.
But I want him to be happy with me.
I know for a stone cold fact that I will never be happy with love until I get a proper chance with him. How in God's name will I do that?
It seems improbable, unheard of.. because it is..

He needs to pull me out of this hole, and soon.
I just know that he will; he'll help me.
Just how? How will you help me?

Just promise me you will stay in contact. When you leave, don't go far, I beg of you.. I know i've been asking for a single chance since day one, but now this is serious; it is needed. You need to put this to rest and so do I. There's a logical answer to this ongoing fling and I will find it, even if it kills me.

And Remember, I Can Be Your Diary

And remember,
I carry your secrets forever into eternity.
And I was there for you through some of the hardest times,
And I remember them all vividly.

I helped you.
I'd like to think I picked you up when you fell the hardest.
I was an accomplice, at least.
And that's where I learned to love you, through your vulnerablities..
Don't forget me, and that I'm here to catch you when you fall.
Whenever that may be.

No matter how hard; you can live it through for me.
You're impossible to forget.
You'll always be somehow engraved into my very being.
Your face is forever etched into my mind; erosion will never be an issue.

Do not be afraid.
I can your secretkeeper.
Your fall-breaker.
Your open book, to write your life in.

My mind is your canvas.
My hands are your pencils.
My eyes are your inspiration.
Use them at your will, my beloved.
They will never be stifled, as my love for you.

I learned to love through your vulnerabilites.
That you aren't perfect.
But that may be just the factor that makes you flawless.
You are forever accepted.

For the final time, do not forget it.
Even if you do, Ill be right here waiting.
Here, standing, anxious, curious.
Waiting to walk right into your willing arms.

You're still with me in my dreams.

Current Mood: Confused & "I told you so".

Well then, I'm confused, as already stated by the mood.
I'm not sure what's going on, he's teasing me again.
I mean, it's not really teasing, it was a joke, but I don't know how he is with his friends.

I liked it, more than anything, because it's like the way it used to be.
The way I love it.
The way I want it.
I just don't know. I want it to continue. And knowing myself, I'll continue to bring stuff up.
My nature, my problem.

History reapeats itself and from personal experience, when something happens with me, it gets stronger each time. Knowing how strong it was in months past, I hope my streak continues to flourish. I guess you could say I'm stupid. On the contrary, I say it's love, but as long as he doesn't realize the exent of all this, the longer I have to stay right where I am, possibly in misery, possibly in hopefulness.

I hope he knows that I was serious when I said, "Don't even tease me, because I would.."
100% serious, babes.

I still love you..

All for now.

Poker Is The Only Game You're Not Playing

Poker Is The Only Game You’re Not Playing
Current mood: nostalgic


At a touch of our fingertips
We can make it all disappear
Please don't escape my hopeful grip
Believe it or not, there was a time you wanted to be there.

If I can't touch you,
How do I remove my hands?
Must be deaf to all of it;
I just can't meet your demands.

All you wanted is for it to be over
But somehow I couldn't let it go
Now that the snow is lain
It doesn't change a thing.

I still sleep with your picture,
And the note you sent.
I know it's just my tendencies,
But they are the only things I've got left.

And everything I've dreamt about may never come true,
Everything I wished on a shooting star for,
I've come to accept the fact that I can't have you.
It doesn't change a thing.

If I can't touch you,
How do I remove my hands?
If I can't love you,
How do I remove my heart?

If I can't think about you,
How do I reset my brain?
Babes, it won't ever go the way you want,
It doesn't change a thing.

:D<3

Current mood: Optimistic

Well, he finally got online, and I talked to him.
Ahh, sweet, sweet relief.
I wouldn't doubt if he knows I'm still in love with him.
I wonder what will happen next year when his girlfriend leaves for college..
I don't know, but if he ever wants me, I'm his.
That's the promise I made to him, and to myself.
Short blog, but I needed to vent. :P

After all this time, I still miss you..

Current mood: Nostalgic & Stupid

It's been a really long time since I talked to him.
And a long time since I've been completely sane.
It's been a total of 17 days, and I don't know if I can stand it much longer..
He doesn't even look at me, I mean, all I want is his approval to go on, but it seems like there's something more. Something he won't tell me.

I bet it's just me, my mind making up false hope, and how everyone thought I was crazy.
Everyone thought I was making it up. Well I guess the only people that know are he and I..
It was wrong, and it's over..
And it's all my fault..

My Stupidity Gets The Better Of Me, Once Again

September 6, 2008 - Saturday
Current mood: lost/empty
My Stupidity Gets the Better of Me, Once Again

I don't know how to describe it. And I don't really know if you care. The only thing I know, is that I'll never have you here. You're a part of me, no matter what they say. And I just can't let you go. My heart is breaking, my hands are shaking; I don't feel emotions anymore, like a pair of worn out brakes, mine have gone with time and use. Or so it seems. Everything shown here is real... Is it, really? You're perfect to me; you have no flaws. There are no barriers, like states without laws. I can't take this anymore. I'm done, I'm done. All I want to see is the sun. The bright side of things, the feelings come with. All I want is "I love you." T'was never missed. It was never there and will never be. Am I wanted? At all? Speak up, speak up. I can't handle this numbness; push me down, help me stand again. It's an oddity how much I care. I see you with her; I'm physically sick. Not normal, huh? I'm sure if I see you kiss her I'll get dizzy and fall. Do I have to wake up? Even at all? It's torture here. And you should know. You have suffered some limiting blows. Please give me a chance, if things do not go. Please, babes, listen, It's me I want you to know. I wish I could be perfect for you, that's all I want. But if nothing else flies, I want to know you upfront. A best friend, someone you can trust. That's all I ask. So as I drink this last glass down, just know I'll be there through every hidden tear, every frown. I can't stand to lose you, not now, not ever. Take those words to heart. They won't be liable to change.

Loose labios se hunden buques.

Scratch That, I'm Done For

August 20, 2008 - Wednesday
Current mood: depressed
Scratch that, I’m done for.

Only do I wish on your love every night, that every particle of my being aches. It's tearing me apart from the inside out. Can you tell if I'm putting on a false front? No, because no cares enough, especially the one I need the most, to pull me out of this hole I've dug for myself. Perhaps, subconsiously, an early grave? I need him to care; It keeps my stitching from disintegrating. Sometimes, its unbearable. I pick up the jagged pieces of my heart and put them in a bag. Put the bag in the empty space where my whole heart used to reside, and expect to function at the same rate I was going. Fly away, butterflies in my stomach, for I have no use for you. You just make me sick. Fly, fly away. Never return. Good riddance to you. Somebody rescue me from the darkness? There's got to be someone willing. Come, step forward, saints and martyrs alike. One by one, they take off, sprinting into eternity. Not ready, nor willing to heal the heartache that is mine. To that I say, go. Run. See where it takes you. Farther away, you think. No; the problem is underlying. The soil beneath your feet, tips of roots, meters below. You cannot escape, but by all means, try. Navigate yourself through the thickly concentrated fog. Or could it be despair? Either way you can't breathe. I realize I can't breathe and gasping for air doesn't do much good; I only suck in more of the poison. Everything goes black and I realize all I want is you. I love you with everything inside of me. I only wish to know how you think of me. We've been over this a thousand times before, but the faintest light at the end of the tunnel is hoping your stubborn answer might change. Hurry now, our ever precious time is quickly fading. I see your smile, your caring, soft eyes, your ruffled, brown hair, all beautiful to me. Your level of compassion is unheard of, and there's so much of it, I can almost see it. And if only you wanted to embrace me, if only you looked at me the way you look at her. Unfortunately, 'if only' is all I know. Thoughts, dreams, and occasional smiles are all I have of you. It's destined to go on that way forever; watch me try to find a way out of this abyss. I grab onto trees and they simply flick me off and withdraw their limbs. "Maybe I'll escape..." the faint flicker of hope within me says. It's no use. The silent plea is soaked in doubt. I never was a lucky one...